70 Ways
by CaramelBoost
Summary: 70 ways to annoy the characters of Harry Potter... Prone to randomness and bursts of oddity. Starts with 70 ways to annoy Lord Voldemort, then Harry Potter himself, etc... constructive critizism welcome. Not for kids as there is some material that can beT
1. Ways to annoy Lord Voldemort

**Hello lovely readers... thought I needed a comic relief from my other stories... Hope you like it! Mocha-Java Boost inspired me, and you should read her story (which is currently untitled) because it fricken' rocks!!**

**Lurve ya!**

* * *

70 Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort:

1- Constantly ask him if his shower works and if it does then why doesn't he use it? Smile and say, "Just because you're evil doesn't mean you have to smell evil too".

2- Insist you know five year olds that are more evil than he.

3- Speak in a sing-song voice.

4- Play a blues song on a harmonica everytime he brings up his tragic past.

5- Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.

6- Dress him in a pink ballerina costume while he sleeps. Make sure you get lots of pictures and pin them on every wall you encounter.

7- Buy him a male prostitute. Tell him he shouldn't repress his feelings and that he shouldn't be ashamed to 'come out of the closet'.

8- Make vague illusions to Snape being his 'mistress'.

9- Call him Spankers McGee. Give him a theme song.

10- Offer to give him a scar. Insist you can give him a better one than Harry's. Inch closer to him holding a sharp knife and grin maliciously.

11- Teach his death eaters how to ballroom dance. Insist he sit through every recital.

12- Point and laugh at him at random moments.

13- Repeatedly sing Aqua's "Barbie Girl" during the death eater meetings.

14- Place bets that Dumbledore and Harry will eventually win the war. Make sure he sees the bets.

15- Speak in mime.

16- Get all of the death eaters to wear potter-style glasses. When he gets mad, insist 'it's the latest trend!' and point out that just because he's out of style doesn't mean everyone has to be.

17- Put up Harry Potter posters over all the walls. Make sure he can't get them off.

18- In your breathiest voice, exclaim that he is "your hero" and tell him to cut the crap about world domination and to give you something outlandishly sinful.

19- Poke him with an extremely long, sharp stick. Make sure he bleeds.

20- Randomly pirouette into different chambers. Claim you're practicing to be a ballerina.

21- Calmly remark that if he couldn't even outwit a baby, how does he think to rule supreme now?

22- Buy him a hot pink wig and tell him it's rude to be bald in public.

23- Buy him flowers, on the note write, "don't you love nature? _Despite_ what it did to you?"

24- Smile and state, "all men are animals. Some just make better pets." Stare pointedly at him.

25- Remark out loud how any similarities between him and human beings are purely coincidental.

26- Smile and tell him that the ultimate proof of the nature of the sex drive was that _someone_ was willing to father him.

27- Whenever he insults you or tries to kill you, burst into tears and point at him, loudly shrieking, "You'll never be the man your mother was!" before running out of the room.

28- Pat his back and tell him that his Death Eaters would follow him anywhere, then mutter (so he can still hear it), "but only out of morbid curiosity!"

29- Gasp loudly when in public, run up to him and press your face against his ear. Then loudly exclaim, "Oh look! You can hear the ocean!"

30- Amuse him with little known facts about Muggle country music.

31- Ask him if he's so powerful, why can't he kill a teenager and an old man?

32- Comment on how it was _Wormtail_ who saved him first. Immediately get angry and accuse him of cheating on Snape. Make sure everyone can hear you.

33- Encourage him to discuss his 'feelings'.

34- Buy a magic fairy wand. Hit him over the head with it and encourage him to think 'happy thoughts'.

35- Insist that Neville Longbottom is much more cunning than he.

36- Buy him clothes. Pink and frilly clothes.

37- Announce everytime you go to the bathroom. Look at him in a creepy manner and ask him, "aren't you going to join me?" Wink and leave the room in a seductive manner.

38- Petition everyone to change the Death Eater's uniforms from scary black cloaks with white masks to neon green scuba gear and snorkels. Insist it would have a much better effect on scaring people.

39- Ask him if he needs any anger management, because you know this great therapist who specializes in dog safety.

40- Remark on any similarities between himself and Darth Vadar. Encourage him to say, "Harry, I am your father!"

41- Buy him an extremely hideous Pekinese dog.

42- Call said dog, "Mr. Puddles." When asked in reference to the name, smile and say it's because he leaves little 'presents' when he's happy.

43- Ask him to tattoo your name on his butt.

44- Constantly bring the subject up.

45- Buy him lingerie.

46- Run around at 3 am, screaming shrilly, for your own personal amusement.

47- Spell a condom wrapper to permanently follow him around. Point at the wrapper and tell him in a sing-song voice that you know what he and Snape were up to last night. Wink mischievously.

48- During death eater meetings, sing "Voldie loves Snape" to the Wedding tune.

49- Replace his wand with a stick. When he tries to do magic, point out that he might be 'losing his touch'.

50- Super glue a fake moustache to his face. Make sure no one tells him it's there.

51- Whenever he has his back to you, throw something at him.

52- Sing, "I have a cookie, I have a cookie!" during really quiet moments, then add: "and Voldiekins doesn't, and Voldiekins doesn't!"

53- Tell everyone you taught him everything he knows.

54- Sneak up behind him and spray him with women's perfume. Insist it's Snape's favourite brand, and that you were only trying to help him 'get lucky'.

55- Shower him with heart-shaped confetti everytime he does something good.

56- Threaten to give him a time-out when he says something particularly mean.

57- Ask him if you can put makeup on him. When he says no, pout and tell him, "but Dumbledore let me do it!"

58- Incessantly ask him when he's going to get married. Look at him expectantly, then at Snape, and then back to him. Remind him that he's not getting any younger and his mistress might just leave him for ignoring his feelings.

59- Wake him up with Celine Dion's "my heart will go on."

60- Meow occasionally.

61- During long stretches of silence, loudly hum the tune from "Mary Had a Little Lamb."

62- Plan a surprise party for him. Make sure it's Barbie-themed and everything's pink.

63- Offer every Death Eater you meet a goodie bag. Make sure the said goodie bags contain 'inappropriate outfits', candies filled with a 'stimulant' and whipped cream. At the meeting, sit next to Volders and make lude comments about his subjects inability to control their 'needs'.

64- Remark on the similarities between him and Jerry Springer. Insist he start his own talkshow.

65- Whack him with a stick whenever the urge strikes you.

67- Randomly climb on the table and disco dance. Encourage him to join you.

68- Point out how Harry is "so much sexier than he is".

69- Insist that he wear the hideously fluffy pink bunny costume you got him for his birthday. Tell him it matched the surprise party's theme, and that you bought it just because of that.

70- Make vague allusions to a threesome and some whipped cream involving him, Snape and Wormtail.

* * *

**Well, what do you think? Was it good? Or was it just too overly done to be even remotely funny?**

**x Caramel**


	2. Ways to annoy Harry Potter

**Hey... well... I got bored again, that's my excuse. It was origonally meant to be a one-shot. Oh well... too late now.**

* * *

70 ways to annoy Harry Potter

1-Make vague allusions as to Voldemort being his father.

2- Generally be in awe of him.

3- Before he enters a room, make sure to shout out an extremely fake trumpet call and yell out his name in a fake British accent. Tell him you only thought he needed to make a 'grand entry'.

4- During these 'grand entrances' do an equally fake drum roll.

5-Follow him around and growl at anyone who comes near to him, or tries to talk to him. Bite those who dare to try and get past you to him.

6-Attempt to hypnotize him.

7-When in potions class, force him to sit next to Malfoy. Then, randomly call out "group hug!" and enforce it.

8-Every time he opens his mouth to say something, cheer and give him a round of applause.

9-Preach about the end of the world.

10-Encourage him to Riverdance with you.

11-Stand really close to him and sniff him occasionally.

12-Start reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" and repeatedly ask him what comes next.

13-Spread a rumour that he's currently in love with Draco. Try to hook them up.

14-Wear large Professor Trewlany-style glasses and claim to see his aura.

15-Loudly announce that you have perfected a spell that enables you to have 'X-Ray' eyes; leer at him suggestively.

16-Whistle the first seven notes of "it's a small world" incessantly.

17-Tell him you think Crabbe looks sexier than he is.

18-For Christmas, buy him a "Cross Dresser's Anonymous" book and tell him that you think his act is losing its touch.

19-Remark how you think being Seeker is "kinda girlie".

20-Accuse him of "glue-sniffing addictions" in public.

21-Eat raw potatoes. Offer him some.

22-As much as possible, skip rather than walk. Encourage him to join you, when he doesn't, link your arms and drag him along.

23-Repeatedly ask him what gender he is.

24-Bark whenever he says the word 'The'.

25-Call him a communist.

26-Insist upon referring to him as "mortal".

27-Accuse him of lying about his childhood and insist that the Dursley's were 'quite lovely people who couldn't be rude if they tried to'.

28-Demand that he call you "Master".

29-Develop an unnatural fear of him.

30-Take your quill and draw fancy 'French' moustaches on him every chance you get.

31-Every time he asks you to do something say, "Is that a threat?"

32-Constantly ask him if he'd like fries with that.

33-Avoid him for a week. When you next see him, loudly announce "so we meet again!" and laugh evilly.

34-Spray everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.

35-Inform him that he exists only in your imagination.

36-Leave lipstick marks on his forehead.

37-Randomly shriek, "at least Voldemort paid attention to my needs!" and run out of the room.

38-Lie obviously about trivial things, such as the time of day.

39-Make up ridiculous nicknames for him. Constantly change these nicknames. Eg. "There you go Sparky!" and "I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi".

40-Hiss at him during very quite moments. Insist you are conversing in "Parseltongue".

41-Whenever Hermione's in the library, go up to Harry and insist you're holding her hostage. Make the ransom extremely expensive and see if he'll pay it.

42-Constantly move closer to him. When you are sufficiently close enough, poke him hard and say, "stop invading my personal space!"

43-Replace Hedwig with a stuffed toy. See how long it takes for him to notice.

44-Steal his broom; replace it with an ordinary one. Watch what happens during a Quidditch game.

45-Pretend you're completely deaf.

46-Sneak into his room at 3 am and start screaming bloody murder for your own personal amusement.

47-Force feed him vomit flavoured Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans.

48-Follow him around on a unicycle. Claim that it's part of your daily exercise.

49-In the middle of a Quidditch game, gasp and point up. See how many people look.

50-Stare at him for about five minutes, making sure he knows you're staring at him. Then, slowly sneak up on him while loudly humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff his head, then run away. Repeat.

51-Surprise him with odd visits at 3 am to 'discuss old times'.

52-Tell Dobby that he Harry would love it if he could shave his head while he sleeps. Later, claim you never said such a horrendous thing.

53-During quite periods of time, stand up suddenly, wink at Harry and shout out, "Who loves you, Harry?" in a really childish manner.

54-Tell everyone that Harry is, in fact, Dumbledore's cousin. Publicly point out that this may be why the headmaster favours him above everyone else.

55-Whenever he accidentally brushes past you, lean in and whisper, "was it good for you too?"

56-Force him to wear a cape that says, "Oh Magnificent One".

57-Randomly walk up to him and ask, very seriously, "Do you know the Muffin Man?"

58-When he asks you to do something, mutter "this won't be necessary where you're going."

59-When arguing with him, no matter what the topic, insist, "I don't see your name on it!"

60-Insist upon calling him Fredricko. Tell him Harry's too common nowadays and that "The-Boy-Who-Lived" deserves an equally unique name.

61-Whenever he does the 'lumos' spell, tackle him to the ground and yell, "Stop, drop and roll!"

62-Randomly scream, "We're all gonna die!!" for no apparent reason. Make sure you're in a public place.

63-Send people singing Valentine's cards. Make sure they're late and contain offensive material. Insist Harry sent them.

64-Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them in the dorms. Insist Harry join in.

65-Adopt an iguana. Collect the shedded skin and give them to him as peace offerings from Peter (the Iguana).

66-When he doesn't complete your every command, accuse him of not being a 'team player'. Loudly recite, "There is no 'I' in team".

67-Become your own twin and tell him that you and your twin never appear in the same place at once. Tell him the same thing again after leaving and coming back into the room.

68-Begin to accumulate a used gum ball. Weigh it every day. Accuse him of stealing gum.

69-Steal Professor Trewlany's clothes. Set up candles around Harry in a very precise manner. Chant.

70-Poke him with your wand. When he makes any pain-related noise, loudly tell him to stop being such a sissy, and how does he expect to defeat Voldemort if he begins complaining about things so trivial as poking?!

* * *

**Well did you like it? I don't think it was as good as the first... Review please!**

**xXx Caramel**


	3. Ways to annoy Ron Weasley

**Hehe this is for OShayO and mildetryth for being my most faithfulest reviewers in this story I feel loved!! –hugs-

* * *

**

Ways to Annoy Ron Weasely

1- Point out how his hair looks like a flaming carrot. Point this out often and loudly.

2- Constantly ask him, "too hot for you?"

3- Tell him all your problems; he _really_ wants to know.

4- Loudly inform him that you have found a long-lost relative of his. Present him with a ferret.

5- Randomly quiz him on the meaning of life.

6- Wear a crown and tell everyone to "bow before royalty"; hit those who don't. Force Ron to wear a crown too and then start a sing-a-long of "Weasely is our King".

7- Have deep philosophical conversations about belly button lint.

8- Get him to bring your food to you. Ask for extra homo-sapien.

9- As he's doing his homework, angrily point at his parchment and ask him how many dolphins had to die to create that piece of paper.

10- Send him random letters asking him what he's wearing.

11- As you talk to him, change your accents every few minutes.

12- Smack him with a broomstick at 4 am. Tell him in a high-pitched voice that this is "his morning wake-up call Mr. Weasel".

13- Should he ask you something, ask why he is punishing you. Whimper.

14- Whenever he opens his mouth to say something, hold up your hand and adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

15- Record everything he says and does on a notebook. Take random pictures of him when he's not expecting it. Do not let him see the notebook, or the pictures. If he gets mad, tell him it's for a school project titled, "Weasels in their natural habitat – are they coming close to extinction?"

16- Award him 'stupid points'.

17- Offer to help with his homework with a public flogging.

18- During a conversation with him, sing your parts in random bursts of falsetto.

19- Play a sitar.

20- Psychoanalyze him. Conclude he is mildly depressed and a bit of a control freak. **(A/N that's Mocha-Java Boost's line! See how great she is?)**

21- Tell him your life story. Ask him if he understands, if he says yes, burst into tears and run from the room screaming, "do you know what it's like to be lied to?"

22- Hug him. During these hugs, lick his cheek and meow.

23- Convince him you're depressed, try and get him to cheer you up.

24- At dinner, pretend to panic and ask him to double check that your food is, infact, dead.

25- Whenever he walks into a room, tell him, "again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

26- Try and get him to say, "will that be all?" When he does, snicker and say, "Well, we'll see won't we?"

27- Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.

28- Bring a cellular phone. Call God. Get on a broom and fly up high, yell, "wow! The reception up here is much clearer!" **(A/N Yes, I am aware that cells don't work in Hogwarts, but if you read the book carefully watches work and so do cameras, so tough luck. This time, it shall work!)**

29- Describe your sex life in great detail to his 5 year old cousin.

30- Randomly disco-dance up and down the hallways. Ask him if he would like to join you.

31- Tell everyone he's related to Malfoy. Say, "Well, Malfoy got turned into a Ferret, didn't he? Well… weasel, ferret, same thing really." Make sure _everyone_ knows this new theory of yours.

32- Moon passing teachers. When they look at you weirdly, shrug non-committally and point at him.

33- Smile at him and remark that you probably shouldn't have put superglue in his underwear that morning.

34- Publicly buy him sexy red lingerie simply because it matches his hair colour.

35- Ask him if he'd ever consider having a green Mohawk.

36- Buy him a large sombrero. Insist he wear it. Get everyone to dance around him and chant.

37- Show off his batman underwear. Comment on how 'attached' to animals he is. Ask if this is because he is secretly a weasel in disguise.

38- Make vague allusions to weasels in his ancestry.

39- Try to lead him in song, "Oh I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weiner!"

40- Try to sell him animal laxatives. Insist they're sugary goodness.

41- Ask his mother, Molly, which petstore she bought him in because, "it's so hard to find good pets these days. It must be something to do with the breeding." Smile evilly at her.

42- Constantly wink at him from across the room. Follow him around and blow kisses it him. When asked to stop, wink seductively at him and say, "some call it stalking… I call it lloooovvee."

43- Drape a cape around him, claim to be "Super-Girl". Point at him and announce that he is your side-kick, "Weasel-Boy".

44- Use his dress robes as a parachute. Exclaim that it made him look like a circus whore, tell him you're putting it to better use this way. Smile.

45- Walk up to him and scream, "I've finally found you Mummy!"

46- Grab handfuls of bouncy balls and drop them off the Astronomy tower onto his head.

47- Inform him that his days as a 'lab experiment' are over and that he may dye his hair back to its proper colour; Albino-white.

48- Randomly claim that he doesn't look fit to sleep with pigs. Re-dress him as you see fit.

49- Run up to him and slap him yelling, "You're it!"

50- Speak formally whenever possible. Eg "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

51- Whenever he speaks, mimic him with a high-pitched voice and exaggerated limb movements.** (A/N Mocha-Java inspired!)**

52- Question him as to whether he's ever tried cat-meat. Tell him it's salty, yet pleasing.

53- Hold a broomstick and smile at him, say "Madame Pomfrey says that flying helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenseless, woodland creatures." Act as spastic as possible.

54- Ask him as loudly as possible, "has your urine ever turned blue before?"

55- Inform him that your eighth personality is a little dangerous.

56- Smile at him all day, when asked as to what you're staring at tell him, "I collect aluminum foil."

57- Take him to a funeral. Tell the widow that you know who the deceased's gay lover was. Point at Ron.

58- Tell him you've found beloved Uncle Morris. Point at a tree stump.

59- Show up to class wearing a Muggle clown suit. Make sure you sit next to him.

60- Toss a handful of rice on him as he lays, then shriek, "Maggots, maggots!" Pretend to faint.

61- Wake him up at 3 am and ask if you're too early for breakfast. Tell him that since he's up anyway, he may as well go on a picnic with you. Suggest the forbidden forest as the location.

62- Bring Muggle ketchup packets. Tell him they're astronaut food. Offer him some.

63- When walking down the hall, occasionally scream without warning.

64- Paint a rock purple. Challenge him and see if he, too, can see the hidden picture.

65- When walking to the owlery, ask if him if he's ever eaten an owl and if there's much meat on them anyway.

66- Loudly ask him (in a public place) what shade of panties do you think will match the newly tattooed weasel on your butt. Bat your eyelashes innocently.

67- Play the tuba for change. Make sure you are loud and out of key.

68- Take him to the hospital wing. Blackmail him into asking Madame Pomfrey which leading remedy potion will you 'that really wicked buzz'.

69- Hand him a pair of robes and scornfully announce that none of them are 'leakproof'.

70- Inform him that you know his 'dirty little secret'. Point and smile at Crabbe. Raise your eyebrows and wink slyly at him Ron.

* * *

**Like it? It was hard to make something to annoy Ron... U.U Ah well, tell me what you think... **

**xXx Caramel**


	4. Ways to annoy Hermione Granger

**This chapter was co-written by me and Mocha-Java Boost…**

**Random Posting:**

**Does this darkness have a name?  
This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us?  
Did it steal into our lives, or did we seek it out and embrace it?  
What happened to us?  
Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness.  
Does this darkness have a name?  
Is it your name?**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine, and neither is the random posting above.

* * *

**

Ways to Annoy Hermione Granger:

1- Encourage her to grow weed behind the greenhouses. Insist it is 'extra credit work' for Herbology.

2- Hermione's books are not acceptable replacements for bludgers.

3- Point out that Divintation does exist, and how else could a magic eight ball work?

4- Yelling "get a room!" every time she argues with Ron is _not_ going to get you on her good side.

5- Send her a skimpy black thong with a pack of condoms. Insist Ron sent them.

6- Telling her that said thong will make her invisible just to see if she tries it is morally wrong.

7- Remark out loud on the similarities in looks between her and a chipmunk.

8- Run around and spread 'magic fairy dust' on her every time you see her. Include her books. Ensure this 'dust' does not come off easily.

9- Sacrifice French fries to the 'cause' S.P.E.W.

10- Stare at her neck and grind your teeth audibly.

11- Recite your dating history. Improvise. Include pets.

12- Hum. Loudly and in monotone.

13- Undress her verbally.

14- Auction her off for silverware.

15- Accuse her of espionage. Try to catch her in the 'act'.

16- Belch. Rate yourself.

17- Spreading a rumour that the only reason Hermione gets good grades is because she 'sleeps' with the teachers is morally wrong as well.

18- Spelling a book to follow her around and hit her head every 3 minutes is not a good way to socialize her. Nor is it a good way to induce a hatred for books. It is a good way to give her a migraine.

19- Stealing her homework and replacing it with your porn magazine cutouts will get you in trouble.

20- Address her as 'little lady' constantly.

21- "Correct" her homework… as you copy it.

22- Shave Crookshanks. Paint him purple. Change his name to Enrico; get everyone to call him that. Make sure the name sticks.

23- Burn her book collection. Insist it was an accident and that you were merely 'looking' for the matches. Insist it's her fault for leaving her books under the bed and locked in a chest; anyone could have gotten into it. Act indignant.

24- Insist Argus Filch is smarter than she is. Claim that one day he will _own_ her.

25- Tell every one you meet about her secret affair with Malfoy.

26- Constantly ask her, "Why can't you apparate into Hogwarts?" Keep 'forgetting' her answer.

27- Randomly kiss Ron in front of her.

28- Kick a house elf in front of her. When she gets mad, claim it's fantastic entertainment.

29- Tell her that Viktor Krum left her for a monkey. Loudly remark that it was because the monkey had _style_.

30- Get into a heated debate about evolution and God. Take the scientific theory. End the discussion with, "Of _course_ we descended from the monkeys! Just look at your mother!" and walk away.

31- Rip out the last three and a half pages of all her books.

32- If you're feeling brave, rip out the first three and a half too.

33- Burn down the library. Leave 'evidence' suggesting it was her.

34- Loudly play heavy metal music next to her ear at 3 am just for your own personal amusement. Make sure that you do it the day before a big test.

35- Relate everything she says to Hugh Heffner (the guy who owns Playboy).

36- Encourage her not to wash her hair. When asked why, explain you think she needs to go for the 'Snape' look.

37- Demand to know exactly what the function of a rubber duck is.

38- Write "Enemies of the _hair_ beware" in red ink on her wall. Take a picture of her reaction. Use it as blackmail.

39- Whenever anyone asks a question, loudly proclaim in a sing-song voice, "I'll bet Hermione knows!"

40- Place bets with other students to see if she knows the meaning of life, make sure you bet a lot of money. When she claims not to know, scream hysterically that she was only pretending to be stupid as revenge. Throw eggs at her.

41- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can moo.

42- Write "HERMY + RONNY 4EVER" in red ink all over her essay on the date that its due so she has no time to re-write it… or just don't let her see it and wait until it gets graded and she gets it back.

43- Sarcastically greet her each morning with a 'my, aren't we looking _intelligent_ today?'

44- When she tries to be smart and all-knowing, smile and say, "If ignorance was bliss, you must be experiencing a near-constant orgasm!" Then leave before she can respond.

45- Tell her she doesn't look very promising.

46- Accuse her of smelling Ron's boxers in Potions. Make sure everyone can hear you.

47- Incessantly recite annoying phrases such as 'sticky wicket isn't cricket'.

48- Move her bookmarks ahead three pages when she isn't looking.

49- Finish each sentence with 'Monkey see, Monkey do'. Stare pointedly at her.

50- In a public place, drop to your knees and scream, "We're all gonna _die_!" Refuse to be comforted.

51- Encourage her to say, "so!" before loudly singing, "A needle pulling thread!" Look at her expectantly as if she was meant to continue with the song.

52- Bring in a hand puppet. Constantly question it as to what to do next. Make sure the hand puppet looks like her.

53- Cackle diabolically, "The world is mine! Nothing can stop me now!" She'd love it if you also did that at 3 am.

54- When she becomes snappy with Ron or yourself, ask if she's 'looking to replace Hitler as Satan's favourite chew toy in the lowest inferno of hell'. Smile sweetly.

55- Give her whiskers and a tail so she can 'relive the old times'. Act as though you were doing her a big favour.

56- Lean into her ear conspiratorially, act as though you're about to tell her something secretive and important, then yell, "MOOSE!" as loudly as possible. Repeat as desired.

57- Tell everyone she's inferior intellectually and that you taught her everything she knows.

58- Announce you're writing a book. When asked the title smile and say, "Different ways to spell Bob". Ask for advice and spelling suggestions.

59- If you're a guy, walk up to her self-assuredly and smile, "You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?" Cock your eyebrow. Repeat daily. Also works if you're female.

60- Ask her what the difference between a cow and a hamster is. When she's done listing the differences, proclaim that the only _real_ difference is that 'the cow survives the branding'.

61- Whenever she opens her mouth to speak, sigh and say, "Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?"

62- Sign her up to be the goalie for the dart team.

63- Knit her things. Really hideous things.

64- Tell her constantly to stop repressing her anger. Tell her yoga could cure her of her ways.

65- Write her a theme song. Start singing it every time she tries to study or read. Make sure it's outlandish and contains 'sexual' lyrics involving Ron.

66- Offer to sacrifice Dobby to the Gods whenever she gets frustrated.

67- Leave rotting animals in inaccessible places (like under her bed). Insist it is "aromatherapy".

68- Loudly mock S.P.E.W… claim that it stands for Stupid People Eat Worms. Offer her a bucket of live worms and grin. Do this while you eat a gummy worm.

69- As she sleeps dye her hair bright green. When you next see her, announce you can see the improvement immediately.

70- Whimper and say that at least Rita Skeeter listened to your stories; blame Hermione for Rita's unemployment. Call her a cruel, selfish child that just hates Rita because she is so much hotter than Hermione is. Shriek and run around screaming, "BEATLE POWER!"

* * *

Enjoy! 


	5. Ways to annoy Ginny Weasley

**Sorry it took so long; I haven't been very good with my other stories either but I've had soo much homework recently!! You wouldn't believe how annoying it is... -sniffs- ah well, wanted to update this one first so if it's not up to par, i'm sorry.**

**I've noticed that these detoriorate progressively, and hope it eventually gets better!**

* * *

Ways to Annoy Ginny Weasely:

1- Constantly stroke her hair. Refer to your actions as 'petting the pet'.

2- As you walk past her, throw dog treats at her head.

3- Slip a collar around her neck. Clip a leash on and take her for 'walks'. Make sure it's difficult to remove said leash and collar.

4- Get her a dog tag.

5- Encourage Harry and Cho to kiss once more. Take a picture of this and put it on all your Christmas cards. Send a dozen prints to Ginny.

6- Buy her a 'Dominatrix' outfit. Insist she wear it. Make sure said outfit consists of a whip.

7- Stalk her while loudly humming the Pink Panther tune.

8- When she tries to get close to Harry, begin to sing the "Teletubbies" theme song. Include imitations of "Lala", call her "Dipsy". Ask if Harry wants to be "Po". **(Sad I know their names, isn't it? Doesn't it just want to make you pray for my soul?)**

9- Refer to her as The Ginger Weasel in all conversations. Refuse to call her by her given name.

10- As she begins to complain about homework or anything else, loudly snort and ask if she wants some cheese with that whine. Tell her to stop being such a sissy and to grow up or you'll cage her.

11- Insist evil monkey ninjas with tazzers are after her. Act dodgy and constantly tackle her to the ground in an attempt to 'save' her. **(Haha Sam and Boosty. Toldja I'd work something in.)**

12- Randomly drop to the ground and roll on your way to class. Hum the Mission: Impossible the theme song as your eyes dart around the corridors.

13- "Accidentally" set her hair on fire. Pretend not to be able to see the fire; claim it 'blends in'.

14- Wonder aloud whether you should start calling her the flaming wonder.

15- Work phrases like, "Great Balls of Fire!" into everyday conversations.

16- Move her things around. Start subtly. Gradually work up to big things, but eventually charm all her things to stick to the ceiling.

17- Walk and talk backwards.

18- Collect all your urine in a small jug. Randomly place said jug around her room with a label that says, "Apple Juice – Try Me."

19- Dye all her underwear Slytherin green.

20- Shave off one of her eyebrows. Claim it makes her look younger.

21- Give each of the walls a different name. When doing your homework, ask reference from the walls. Write down their responses before asking the ceiling for the final answer. Complain about how you can't trust your ceiling.

22- Lay in the middle of the room and chant to pagan Gods.

23- Learn the words to all her favourite songs. Sing along incessantly.

24- Make a voodoo doll vaguely resembling her. Name it Ginger. Introduce Ginger to everyone you know. Kill Ginger.

25- Put everything in her room in an unbreakable box, except for one sock. Pray to the sock. Bring it gifts. Throw some of Ginny's things out of the window. Proclaim the sock made you do it.

26- Hit her over the head with a large rock. Tell her you killed the mosquito. Act as though she should be grateful.

27- Sit and stare at her for hours. Bring others to join you. Eat peanuts, randomly throwing a few at her. Claim that "these zoos just aren't what they used to be."

28- Randomly start twitching violently and shriek, "Snakes! Snakes!"

29- In front of Harry, Ron and Hermione, accuse her of "fornicating with the enemy". Glare at a passing Slytherin.

30- Start a brothel. Publicly invite her to join.

31- Encourage her to stand in the rain with you. As soon as the rain hits you, scream pathetically and drop to your knees, clutching at your face. "I'm melting, I'm melting!"

32- Join a Nudist colony. Get your new 'friends' to try and recruit her.

33- Go into her room at 4 AM completely naked. Skip around and yell, "Be free my friends! Be free!" Cackle insanely.

34- Communicate using only your eyebrows and tongue.

35- Sacrifice vegetables in the middle of the room.

36- Run up to her at 6 AM screaming, "Rashes! Rashes!" Repeat during breakfast in the Great Hall.

37- Charm meat to stick to both sides of her pillow, making sure it doesn't come off and that she can't change pillows. Bacon works best.

38- Chase her around Hogwarts with a bloody toothbrush. Scream that it will only hurt for a little while.

39- Re-arrange her room as desired. Blame it on indecisive house-elves.

40- Smoke her Herbology project. Do whatever comes naturally.

41- Spontaneously point and her and yell, "look! A naked girl with clothes on!" Before running away.

42- Kidnap her current boyfriend and shave him.

43- Assume she is on drugs.

44- Laugh uncontrollably for 5 minutes and then suddenly stop and glare at her suspiciously. Narrow your eyes and meow in question. Insist she knows what you're talking about.

45- Wait for the room to be quiet (which may take awhile) before pointing at her and screaming hysterically, "You will perish in flames!" Cackle evilly and run away.

46- Have a team of people call her Smiley. _Eventually_ she'll get tired of hexing people.

47- Wisely pat her head and chant, "crack is wack." Leave the room after staring pointedly at her.

48- When she gets snappy, huff and tell her that if you wanted her opinions you'd rattle her cage.

49- Encourage her to go skinny-dipping in the great lake. Claim the Giant Squid enjoys the view.

50- Amuse her with little-known facts about the dirt between your toes.

51- Have in-depth conversations about ear wax.

52- Frolic down the halls, with her in tow. Sporadically shout out "Marco!" Act indignant when no one replies with a "Polo!" Glare at her until she complies.

53- Insist upon being referred to with your first AND second name. Eg Lisa Marie, Joe Bob or Harry James (-winks slyly-)

54- Begin all your sentences with "Ooh la la!"

55- Beg her to come with you to the petshop. Buy a goldfish. Ask if they come with chips.

56- Get her to determine how many cups of Firewhiskey is 'too many'.

57- Learn "Ice, Ice Baby" and recite it endlessly. Get others to join you. Follow her around with your arms linked.

58- Lick gummy bears and press them to everything so that they stick. Eg walls, chairs, her bed, _her_…

59- Scuff your feet on dry, shaggy carpets in the common room and seek out victims.

60- Sing, "This is the song that never ends," by LambChop. Never stop singing.

61- While in public, harshly slap her and tell her to stop grabbing your –ss.

62- Owl her the "results" to her pregnancy test. Make sure you're the one who wrote the results as she probably never took the tests. Ensure Ron sees the "results".

63- In relation to number 62, accuse Harry of being the father. Point out the time when Harry and Ginny were alone and leave Ron to work out the details.

64- In relation to the above two, charm her so her period won't start and leave her wondering for months before relieving the spell.

65- Tell everyone you're her secret lover.

66- Loudly proclaim, in front of Harry, that she's "putting on weight nicely".

67- Smile and announce that her children won't be very promising.

68- Whenever she says anything, respond with, "I know."

69- Stalk her down the hallway loudly making car noises, such as changing gears.

70- Challenge her to games of Hide-and-Seek in the library. When turned down, loudly tell the world that you win out of forfeit. Take claim over her half of the dorm room. Tell her she must move out by tomorrow

* * *

**It prolly stunk, but I hope you liked it anyway. Review s'il vous plait!!**

**Oh and by the way, to those of you who are wondering, Snape is coming next, any of those with ideas can submit them with reveiws and I'll add them as I see fit. Already got a few good suggestions for him by one great reveiwer, (it shall be a surprise, unless you want to read the reviews and find out for yourself -laughs-)**

**Loves you guys! -hugs-**

**xXx Caramel Boost**.


	6. Ways to annoy Severus Snape

**Hope you guys like it! Sorry it took awhile...**

* * *

70 Ways to Annoy Professor Snape

1- Every time you see him, loudly ask as to whether his shower is working or not.

2- Award him 'naughty points'.

3- Randomly point at his face and shriek.

4- When he makes his 'rounds' around the classroom, sneak up to the blackboard, erase the instructions and replace them with instructions on how to put a condom on. Use illustrations.

5- Use phrases like, "Woopsie Daisy" and "Golly Gee Gosh" as much as humanly possible.

6- Refer to him as "Nina", introduce him as your lover.

7- Redecorate the dungeon. Incorporate Napolean Dynamite into the theme. Place tater tots on every table. Should he try to remove them, tackle him to the ground and scream, "Don't touch my tots!"

8- Offer to wash his hair for him.

9- Refer to number 8. When he says no, wink seductively, lean in and whisper, "I could wash… more interesting areas if you like." Stare at his crotch. Lick your lips.

10- End every sentence with, "Savvy Sevvy?"

11- Spell a used condom to orbit his head. Make sure it's impossible to deter said condom.

12- Inquire as to whether he's 'ever gotten laid? Like, ever?!" Ask if this is because he's waiting to come out of the closet.

13- As he begins to take away points from the houses, loudly ask if you can have the next prize. Insist you want points to. Act offended that he hasn't awarded you anything yet.

14- Buy him a hot pink G-String with fluff trimming.

15- Sit at the back of the classroom and as he speaks yell out, "What?" and "I can't hear you! Speak up!" When he gets irritated and tells you to move closer to the front, tell him you can't because you're scouting the room for assassins and it's for his own safety.

16- Cut large holes in the butt of all his robes. Don't tell him.

17- Get him to randomly 'shake his boot-ay' in class. When he doesn't, _imperio_ him to make him do it.

18- Clap every time he enters or exits a room. Do it enthusiastically.

19- During breakfast, walk up to the teachers table and say, in your breathiest voice, "last night was _wonderful_." Make sure all the teachers can hear you. Wink.

20- Endeavor him to twirl his hair.

21- Inform him that he is the way he is because he is simply misunderstood.

22- Inquire as to whether he has any sexual relations with Volders. Insist you know he enjoys being punished by his "Master".

23- Replace all his potion ingredients with sex toys. Leave a picture of Voldemort in his underwear.

24- End all your homework assignments with Mrs. Severus Snape. Draw little charmed hearts to flutter around your "name".

25- Refer to him as the "Sexy Overgrown Bat of the Dungeons."

26- Bring a whip to class. Tell him it's for Show-and-Tell. Use him as the test subject for the 'Show' part of class.

27- Offer to pay for his nose job. Remark out loud about how you think he needs one.

28- Charm bricks to launch themselves at him whenever he gets too close.

29- Administer last rites as he teaches. Shower him with rose petals. Give him a tomb stone.

30- Insist you announce him before he enters the hall. In an extremely loud voice announce, "Severus Snape. Death Eater, Potions Master, _Dancing Queen_!"

31- Every time you pass him, tap him on the head three times. Say it's for good luck.

32- In an innocent tone, tell him that you know the _real_ reason why he and James hated each other. Nod knowingly and tell him it's because James dumped him – isn't it?

33- Act gangsta. Refer to him as 'Professor S!'. Tell him he has the protection of the hood, yo.

34- Arrange your potions ingredients in a particular manner, but set one apart from the rest. Point and laugh hysterically at the separated ingredient. Refuse to discuss the situation.

35- As soon as class begins, start singing famous operas. When he begins to question who the singer is, pretend to look confused.

36- When he's explaining the method of a certain potion, tell him to shut up because Bob, your invisible friend, has a head ache. Thank him profusely.

37- Become a secret agent. Eat every piece of parchment after reading it, speak into your quill and accuse him of being a double-agent and working for Voldemort. Make sure you're in a very public place when proclaiming the accusation.

38- Build a snowman on his desk using big balls of toilet paper. Throw water on it and begin to cry that the snowman is melting.

39- Buy a jack-in-the-box. Every lesson, turn the handle so the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

40- Whenever he's in a bad mood, pat him on the head condescendingly and tell him it will all be over soon. Grin maniacally.

41- Buy a lava lamp. Stare at it for hours imitating it's movements with your face. Encourage him to join you.

42- When his class gets boring, play poker with your chair. Loudly complain that the chair is making up its own rules.

43- Buy a water melon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask Snape if the watermelon can sleep in his bed. When he says no, drop the watermelon out of the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about Snape at the funeral.

44- Buy some knives. Sharpen them every lesson while looking at him and murmuring, "soon… very soon…"

45- Refer to him as 'Mummy".

46- Challenge him to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

47- Draw a tiny black dot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and panic, "It's spreading! It's spreading!"

48- Dress like a muggle army officer. Insist that he salute you upon sight. If he refuses, insist that he do 100 push-ups. Keep saying things like, "Yo momma isn't here to take care of you any more."

49- Every time he passes your desk, twitch violently.

50- Find out Snape's mother's name. Tattoo it on your inner thigh. When he asks about it, become fidgety and insist "she made me do it!"

51- Get some hair. Spread it around his seat while in class, leaving next to it a pair of scissors. When asked about it, snicker loudly.

52- Give him a plastic bag and ask him to sh-t in it. Claim that you want to see if you can make a home made dung bomb.

53- Endeavor him to groom himself like a cat.

54- Hang mistletoe in the doorway. Every time he enters or leaves a room, kiss his forehead.

55- Hide under his desk. Twitch and loudly mutter, "they can't suck my brain if they can't find me!" Refuse to move out from under his desk.

56- At the beginning of each class, run in panting heavily. Loudly ask him if he saw a fat bald naked Tibetan man run through here carrying a sack full of galleons. When he says no, run back out swearing.

57- Randomly fall to the ground, screaming.

58- Laugh a lot in the morning. Tell him he should be more happy.

59- Leave little notes in the shower for him.

60- Lie spread-eagled on his bed. Make him move you.

61- Graffiti your potions homework with little hearts and "I –heart– you"s. Insist that the two of you are destined for each other.

62- Organize a black mass. Tell him that the sacrifice backed out at the last minute. Ask him if he'd like to volunteer.

63- Paint targets on the back of all his robes. Buy a cross bow.

64- Buy him a ticket to Opera to discuss his problems. **(This is by my friend PiNaYsKaTeGuRl)**

65- Lock him in a room with Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore and later go on the Jerry Springer show and see who is the father of McGonagall's unborn child! **(Another by PiNaYsKaTeGuRl! Thanks for the suggestions ;) )**

66- Have "It's a Small World," playing constantly in the background in his potions classroom when he walks in the room with his cape swaying. After he walks in, stop the music, then play it again when he takes points away from Gryffindor. **(Suggestion by the wonderful Yondaime-kun… thank you so much!)**

67- When Snape goes into his room, have it covered in pink and then have the "Numa numa" Song in the background on constant repeat. **(Another one by Yondaime-kun :D)**

68- Play Dungeons & Dragons all the time. Tell him to obey you because you are the Dungeon Master. Attack invisible dragons with a cardboard sword all the while making 'battle noises'.

69- Play violent games with imaginary friends. Ask if he would like to join you. Wink suggestively.

70- Put on a fake white beard and pretend you're Dumbledore. Insist he 'give it a yank'. Chant, "come on – you know you want to!" repeatedly.


	7. Ways to annoy Minerva McGonagoll

**Ok. It's official. I'm an idiot. I forgot the password to my own laptop, and now I can't get into it! (I'm typing this on my dad's computer)... If anyone knows how to fix this, or techniques on remembering things - no hypnotism does not count - please let me know! This is the reason my updates on all the stories shall be late (I don't know how many of you read all my current stories...)**

**Oh and I can't spell Professor McGonagoll's name (I bet I just got that wrong) for my life... so I'm sorry if it's all wrong in here... Please don't order my execution.**

**Anyway, onwards.**

* * *

Ways to Annoy Professor McGonagoll

1- Throw yarn down the hall. See if she chases it.

2- Call her Professor McGoner.

3- Ask if she's related to the guy who created McDonalds. Eat a Big Mac.

4- Steal her tin of biscuits. Replace it with a tub of mayonnaise. Claim it's healthier.

5- Make vague insinuations of her engagement to Albus Dumbledore.

6- Hula dance to heavy metal. Do it constantly.

7- Randomly throw cat treats at her. Pretend it was Harry. Act insulted when she insists it was you.

8- Constantly go, "Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty."

9- When she gets frustrated, tickle her chin and torment her with dangly objects.

10- Hex a tail on her for a month. Give her whiskers.

11- Pretend you're blind.

12- When she tells you to stop speaking in her class, speak louder as though you're trying to speak over her. Claim, "Oh, I thought you said speak up!"

13- Greet her each morning with a "Sup Minnie?"

14- Fill her bathtub with Kitty Litter.

15- Leave her a daily saucer of sour milk on her desk.

16- Award her with horribly done abstract paintings with titles such as 'Professor-Trying-To-Be-An-Ugly-Know-It-All-But-We-Still-Love-You' and 'She-Who-Thinks-She's-Superior-To-The-Rest-Of-Us'.

17- Pat her head condescendingly each time you pass her in the hall.

18- Give her a packed lunch each day. Include a dying (but live) mouse and a carton of milk.

19- Casually lean against her desk. Wink. Leer suggestively.

20- Hand out free invitations to her wedding with Dumbledore – even when they're not really engaged.

21- Spell her hair so that every time she tries to put it up in a bun it undoes itself and frizzes, turning a nasty shade of lime green. Make the spell irreversible.

22- Loudly comment on her lack of a husband. Stare pointedly at Albus.

23- Cock a gun, grin maliciously, edge closer to her and proclaim, in a sing-song voice, "How may I help you?"

24- Inform her that she only wishes she was as cool as you are. Do this often.

25- Every time she speaks to you, scream bloody murder.

26- Get her drunk. Take pictures of the effects.

27- Prance into class, sit in her desk and announce that you're Brenda and you'll be replacing her.

28- Childishly sing, "Alby and Minnie sitting in a car, are they naked? Yes-they-are!" Refuse to explain what a car is.

29- Inform her that you're bringing a friend to class. Refuse to discuss the subject. A week later, show up with a Golden Retriever. When she makes you take the dog out of her class, call her a bigot.

30- When she asks you a question in class, obnoxiously twirl your hair around your finger, snap your gum and say, in a really fake accent, "Umm, je ne sais quoi?"

31- Repeat every third word she says in a high pitched voice.

32- Publicly try and lick your eyebrows.

33- Bark every time you pass her.

34- Steal her desk, replace it with a cow.

35- Encourage her to shave her head. Constantly bring it up.

36- Answer every question with a, "Oh yea? Well… yo momma!"

37- Become a clown. Nothing scares people like a clown.

38- Develop an unnatural fear of magic. Try to set her foot on fire (with a muggle lighter) and mutter, "Burn witch, buuurrrrnnn!". Inform her that she shall rot in the lowest inferno of hell.

39- Constantly hum the tune to Coca Cobana.

40- Set her up on a blind date. Show up with an alleycat. Claim you thought she'd like a bad boy. Wink.

41- Ding a little bell (like the one used when summoning a maid or a butler) every time you want her attention.

42- When you pass her in the hallway, tap your nose mysteriously and smile knowingly.

43- Sneak up behind her, duct tape her mouth and run off. Later inform her that your uncle insisted that "the cat got your tongue" and now you were just returning the favour.

44- Refer to Albus as her illicit lover.

45- Hand her a packet of ribbed condoms and inform her that even though she's old, she and Albus still need to be safe.

46- Randomly stroke her cheek and purr.

47- Come into class wearing a giant gorilla costume.

48- In the middle of class, clamp your hands over your ears, drop to the ground and scream, "No, the voices!! Noooo!!!"

49- As much as possible, speak in sing-song.

50- Two words: Groom her.

51- Squeak periodically as she speaks. Twitch violently.

52- Announce in an evil voice that she shall be your next victim.

53- Insist that she's an old version of the Barbie Doll. Hand her Ken.

54- Place a "Pinch me – I'm Irish" sign on her back – coz we all know she's Scottish.

55- Put a name plate on her desk that reads, "Mrs. Albus B. W. P. Dumbledore". Make sure the sign doesn't come off.

56- Tell everyone she was engaged to Lord Voldemort previously, but Albus stole her away the old devil.

57- Inform everyone of her illicit affair with Professor Umbridge.

58- Buy her retro Go-Go Boots with real fur lining. **(A/N Please note that I do not condone the actual buying of real fur. If anything, I'm very against it.)**

59- Sing MC Hammer's "Can't Touch This" while darting around the room suspiciously.

60- Laugh evilly at the most inappropriate things during the most inappropriate times.

61- Endeavor her to be a "Little Fairy Princess" for Halloween. Include a tutu and a 'magic fairy wand' with a feather boa and sparkles.

62- Suck your thumb noisily. Or, on occasion, suck hers.

63- Steal her glasses. Inform her it's an experiment to see if cats really do have a 'sixth sense'. Tell her she's failing miserably.

64- Every time she transfigures something, or changes into her animagus form, loudly murmur, "Pathetic old sod. Will do anything to get attention."

65- Calmly ask her if she thinks she's getting to old for the job.

66- Fill her room with red roses. Waggle your eyebrows suggestively and grin, "Any bets on who _those_ are from?"

67- Not-so-subtly follow her around. Refuse to stop.

68- Moo loudly every five minutes.

69- Dress up in a Santa suit – in the middle of your transfiguration exam. Claim it 'helps you channel your creative energy'.

70- Speak in monotone rhyme.


	8. Ways to annoy Albus Dumbledore

**Guess who finally got into her laptop?! I'm so proud of myself. I really am.**

**Sorry it took me so long to update though... Anyway, these might not be all that great -- it was hard thinking up ways to annoy Albus! He's just a hard person to irritate. Updating might take a bit longer again; my mum just had another baby! --dances spaztically-- She needs me to help --shudders-- clean.**

**Oh and I got an anon. review from Katie saying that I should make this into a story (this was awhile back)... I think I might just take you up on that! But, later. When this fic is over and done with.**

**Thanks to everyone who contributed ideas to this chapter! You all receive giant cyber cakes. All reviewers receive cyber brownies. Love you all!**

* * *

Ways to Annoy Albus Dumbledore

1- Yank on his beard. Hard. **(contributed by ****ClarinetWrathArineko.. thanks for the suggestion!)**

2- Steal his lemon drops. **(More by ClarinetWrathArineko!)**

3- Play "The Number Of The Beast" by Iron Maiden in his office. Constantly. **(Thanks to ClarinetWrathArineko for this one!)**

4- Have the Sorting Hat say he should've been a Slytherin. **(Last one by ClarinetWrathArineko –smiles—they're great!)**

5- Inform him that Minerva can and will do so much better than him and that he should be ashamed of himself as he's old enough to be her father. Gasp dramatically.

6- Sadistically hand him a Canary Cream. Smile.

7- Tell everyone that the twinkle behind his eyes was really you holding a candle behind his oh-so-empty brain.

8- Hold his socks hostage.

9- Announce that he should give up the war, because, honestly, what chance does an old fool stand against the Mighty and Powerful He-Who-Has-An-Extremely-Annoyingly-Long-Title?

10- Poison his food with laxatives; lock all the bathroom doors. Steal his wand so he can't _Alohomora!_ them open.

11- Rap constantly. Do this everywhere and anytime; His bedroom at 3 AM, his office, the bathroom, the Great Hall. _Everywhere._

12- Pretend you're a tourist. Litter, speak condescendingly, take pictures of everything and speak loudly and with accent.

13- Tell him he only became Headmaster because of his good looks. Laugh hysterically and leave the room.

14- Growl and claw at your nose whenever he enters a room.

15- Wear a long robe, an extremely long, fake beard and a pointy Wizard's hat. Claim you want to be _just like him_.

16- Put glitter on everything, including his underwear. Ensure the glitter itches.

17- Ask him if he's 'got the hots for Harry', because his fascination with that boy really shouldn't be that compelling. Command him to seek therapy.

18- Plait his beard as he gives a very important speech.

19- Repeatedly ask if he's ever tripped over his beard, or his robes. Do this every hour, erratically.

20- Glue feathers to his ears and encourage him to fly.

21- As he sleeps, steal the sorting hat and introduce it to a terrier puppy.

22- Get him to prostrate before sitting on his back, yelling, "Giddy-up Horsie!" If he doesn't, slap his butt with your wand in imitation of a whip. **(submitted by lumpieking – thanks, Kai)**

23- Challenge him to a pie eating contest. Do this constantly and publicly.

24- Sneak into his room at midnight and, as he sleeps, draw the Dark Mark on his arm in permanent marker.

25- Constantly challenge him to a staring contest. Claim you can beat a 'blind old fool' any day.

26- Sign him up for child pornography magazine and have them send him the pictures during breakfast.

27- Loudly inform him that Gandalf looked much smexier with the beard.

28- Make pictures of him and Professor McGonogall (can't spell her name – don't sue!) in compromising positions rain down from the ceiling in the Great Hall during dinner. **(Given by Mocha-Java Boost – as have numbers twenty six and twenty seven. Thank you Boosty!)**

29- Invite the whole school to watch as you burn his socks. Take photos to remind him of this wonderful day. **(M-J Boost again!)**

30- Inform Harry that Dumbledore 'requires his presence'. Set up the Headmaster's office to look like a Porno background and _imperio!_ Dumbledore to act like a cheap hoe. Shake your head before insisting that you knew it would happen all along. **(Yet again, a M-J contribution!)**

31- Spread tasteless, illicit rumours involving him, Professor M (We all know who I'm talking about!) and vegetables. Ensure he hears them.

32- Cut his beard and sell the hairs for profit.

33- Inform him that Voldemort and his army of evil minions are really nice little boys and are simply misunderstood. Get him to be ashamed of himself.

34- Question his dating history. Ask him if 'back in the day' he was a real 'babe magnet'.

35- Spike his tea with very strong veritaserum. Ask him very… personal questions.

36- Tell the world that he's schizo and that his split personality is Voldemort. Mention that this is probably why Voldie doesn't come out often and why he and Albus are never in the same room at the same time. Cock your eyebrow.

37- Argue with him over obvious things, with you being in the wrong. Such as two plus two equals five.

38- Insist upon calling him "Albikins".

39- In a very 'sexual' voice ask him if he would like to 'butter your muffin' or 'stir your milkshake'. Offer to 'board his vessel'.

40- Sing 'Dance Dance' by Fall Out Boy as he tries to fall asleep.

41- Insist that Voldemort is his uncle; even though that's genetically impossible.

42- Encourage him to get a tattoo of your face on his chest. Insist it's 'manly'.

43- Inform him that Voldie's 'little club' is soo much cooler than his because _Voldie's_ group has cookies.

44- Take him skinny dipping.

45- Tell Snape that Dumbledore needs help 'polishing his wand'. See what happens.

46- Lock yourself in his bathroom and when he wakes up, begin screaming (in a sultry voice), "oh come and stir my cauldron!"

47- Demand large amounts of brownies. At two in the morning. On a Sunday.

48- Sit next to him at dinner and try to feed him through a straw.

49- During a stretch of silence, hum something and sway to it.

50- Loudly mock his organizational skills.

51- Smile insanely. If he says anything about it, say, "Your mother dresses you funny."

52- When he asks you a question, tell him your 'Master' doesn't allow you to talk to 'Non-Believers'. Act like you suddenly realized something, smack yourself and mutter, "Not again! Not again!"

53- Cover him in neon green paint. Get him to hug things.

54- Endeavor him to snort Pixie Stix. Hereby refer to him as 'your little crack whore'.

55- Give him dread locks.

56- Steal his pensieve. Drain all the memories in the pensieve and replace them with Snape's memory of his illicit one-night-stand with Trelawny. Give back the pensieve and watch his expression as he views the memory.

57- Offer to roast Fawkes for dinner.

58- Steal his wizard's hat. Tie-dye it hideous colours.

59- Inform him that Gandhi did the whole peace thing better than he ever could, and shouldn't he just give it up? Nod wisely and say, "You really shouldn't copy Muggles, Alby. What will Volders think?"

60- Get the Order members drunk. Encourage them to play "Blind Man's Buff" and "Twister". Take pictures and put them in a photo album so they can remember it.

61- Complain to Fawkes how you don't think you can trust Dumbledore. Insist he's getting senile. Make sure he's still in the room as you complain.

62- Create wooden models of himself, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Voldemort and Bellatrix. Offer to sacrifice 'Harry' to 'Voldemort'. Saw off his head with a blunt object.

63- Explain that you are a pacifist. Steal everyone's wands. Hide and burn them at random times.

64- Wear a crown; explain that you wish to be "Emperor of Hogwarts". Get hordes of First Years to cheer you on.

65- Attempt to bribe Albus' shoes so that they trip him. Turn away quickly if he looks at you; deny everything.

66- Play Britney Spears during Order meetings. Insist it's "Battle music". Put it on repeat.

67- Place a Hammer on his desk during staff meetings. Ensure it's only there to ensure loyalty. Stare pointedly at Snape, then back at Dumbledore.

68- During a very important speech to his students, yodel. Loudly.

69- Randomly whip out your wand and use it to cook a pop tart. Do this often and with flair.

70- Everytime you leave a room, grab your broom and scream, "To the Batmobile!"

* * *

Next to annoy is Sirius! Any ideas? Leave them in reviews, or PM me and I'll add them to the list.

Oh, and I just realized lists are banned from being fanfictions... I didn't know before, but I don't really want to stop now since I've already started... --dodgy look--

Should I stop? Or will you lovely people just not report me?

xXx Caramel


	9. Ways to annoy Sirius Black

**Ok my faithful readers! I'm so sorry it's taken me a lifetime to update _but_ sadly, I have bronchitus so I'm all jakked up on cough medicine that tastes like a-- ::cough:: butt. Anyway, if this chapter isn't exactly the best, I'm sorry, but it's for that reason.**

**Haha, and here's the blatant self advertisement! I have a new story up called "150 Things I am not allowed to do in Hogwarts" and for this reason, I am not going to do a Fred/George one of these.. So.. read that one.**

**Another advertisement is that this story has a companion peice! It will be written out fully, and is by my wife (not literally) Mocha-Java Boost. The title is 'Harlequin Girls' so go, my minions, search it! Or, if you're feeling particularly lazy PM me, or ask in a review for the URL(s).**

**Now that this is incredibly long Authors Note is done, let me state with a _disclaimer_: 'tis not mine. Onwards.**

* * *

Ways to annoy Sirius Black:

1-Whenever Remus and him talk, yell loudly "Get a room!" Do this whenever he talks to Harry as well. **(Submitted by Artemis' Hunt, thanks a bunch!)**

2- Whenever someone asks, "Are you serious?" Laugh loudly and point at him. **(Another great one by Artemis' Hunt; love this one!)**

3- Make vague allusions relating to his manhood. Question it, talk to it, relate the events of your day to it (his crotch).

4- Threaten to tell everyone of his 'man-crush' on Snape. Claim it's the real reason for hexing him; if he couldn't have him, no-one could have him.

5- Ask him, "Hey want a cookie?" and before he can answer laugh and say, "Too bad, you're too good for this cookie." Eat it and walk away.

6- Relate to him every reason you can think of for him being gay, make sure they're nonsense and have absolutely nothing to do with homosexuality. "1. You're tall. 2. You smell like cologne. 3. Your name is Sirius. 4. I feel happy. 5. Harry's wearing green socks. Etc…"

7- Constantly question him of his days in Azkaban. Ask him stupid things like, "Did they let you eat cake?" and "How often did they wash your underwear?"

8- Buy him a flea collar. Get angry when he doesn't wear it.

9- Follow him around and sing Muggle children's songs like, "The Wheels on the Bus go 'round and 'round" and "Ring Around the Rosie".

10- Every time he opens his mouth to speak, smack him with your wand. Say, "Bad doggie! No one was talking to you."

11- For Christmas, buy him a female Chihuahua. Claim you thought he looked 'lonely'.

12- Whenever anyone says his full name (Sirius Black) burst into the song, "Ebony and Ivory". Wink at him and Remus.

13- Buy him things. Pink and glittery things.

14- Randomly stand up and shout, "Hug time! Who wants in?"

15- Ask him if he'll let you brush his teeth for him.

16- As he talks with Dumbledore, loudly exclaim, "Oh Sirius! I didn't know you had a thing for older men! Remus will be _so_ disappointed…"

17- Stand up on a table during Order meetings and yell, "Sirius Black: Escaped Azkaban, Eluded hundreds of Dementors. Killed by drapery."

18- Get him to transform into his animagus form. When he does, laugh loudly and exclaim, in an obnoxious voice, "Oh who's the bitch no-ow?"

19- Hit on the portrait of his mother. Make sure he sees you. As you walk away, loudly hum, "Siri's mum has got it going on! She's all I want, and I've waited for soo long!"

20- Mock his style of clothing.

21- Psychoanalyze him. Claim that the reason he's such a player is because he's feeling insecure regarding his manhood, and has 'size issues'. Ask him if he's having problems, 'getting it up'.

22- Whenever you see him, not-so-subtly say, "Sirius? What kind of a name is Sirius? What _fool_ would name their kid Sirius?!"

23- Unleash Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes pranks on him whenever you feel the urge to.

24- Refer to him as your 'nigga'.

25- Inform him that if it looks like a duck, smells like a duck and sounds like a duck, it's probably a dog. Look at him knowingly.

26- Print t-shirts with his baby picture on it with the subtitle, "Save the Monkeys!" Sell them to everyone.

27- Begin to sing in a high pitched voice, "I know a song that gets on your nerves, gets on your nerves, gets on your nerves. I know a song that gets on your nerves and it goes like this!" Take an exaggeratedly deep breath and start over. Especially sing it around him.

28- Build a tent in the middle of his room. Claim you're camping. Refuse to move but ask if he'd like to join you. Tell him he can, but only if he brings the pillows.

29- Threaten to eat his first born every time he looks at you funny. In fact, randomly scream, "I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR CHILDREN!"

30- Become paranoid. Constantly scream, "Constant vigilance!" and carry your own hip flask. (Like Moody)

31- Inform him that everyone thinks of him as Professor McGonagall's bitch.

32- Stare at him. Constantly. Don't blink. When he looks at you, smile, when he turns away immediately drop the smile.

33- Throw firecrackers in his morning coffee. When it explodes in his face, shriek, "Constant vigilance!"

34- Make sure you tell him how great Peter is, and how much cooler 'Wormtail' sounds than 'Padfoot'. Do this daily.

35- Constantly question him as to why he's so bitter towards his parents. Claim, "she gave you life, man!"

36- Accuse him of persecuting you every time he walks into the same room as you.

37- Argue with him. Lose the argument and then go, "I pity you." **(A/N It drives me crazy when people do that. It's like, I won the argument, don't question me!)**

38- Start a debate about Lord Voldemort and 'what a nice guy he truly is'. Accuse him of willfully ignoring the "obvious truth".

39- Call him a meanie.

40- Overwhelm him with your knowledge of science. Using examples like, "And because of entropy you have to press the nozzle on the spray can. The nozzle is entropy."

41- Whenever he complains about something, tap your nose knowingly and whisper, "God works in mysterious ways…"

42- Wake him up at four in the morning to give him a pamphlet for 'Sex Addicts Anonymous'. And then say, "Well… since you're up…" before giving him every detail about your dream the previous night, including the time where you dreamt he turned into a girl.

43- Attempt to burn him at the stake.

44- Claim intellectual superiority on the grounds that only smart people wear their clothes as cool as you do.

45- Speak to him with a fake Australian accent. Claim it makes you sound smarter.

46- Threaten to kill yourself if he doesn't believe you. Do this while holding an extremely pointy object.

47- State that Voldemort has done a lot of good along with all the mass murder.

48- Whenever he brings up the subject of leaving Grimmauld Place, pack him on the back condescendingly and say pitifully, "God answers all prayers – sometimes the answer is just no."

49- Claim that Einstein was a Death Eater. Laugh openly when he asks who Einstein was.

50- Treat nothing he says as credible because he is possessed by his lust for Lucius Malfoy. Smirk.

51- Tell him that his mother was right because his mother said she was.

52- Tell everyone that Azkaban damaged his brain and that he should be transferred to the Phsyc ward in St. Mungo's.

53- State with a straight face, "Yes, I believe that an invisible fairy god king magically blinked us all into existence in order to punish us for our salvation and that we must all humble ourselves and eat his flesh and drink his blood," and then claim your belief is perfectly rational and superior to the Black "mind-set," which can provide no answers.

54- Try to perform exorcism on him.

55- Babble incoherently. Claim you're speaking in 'tongues'.

56- Say that being a Death Eater is fun.

57- … And when he says it's evil, act surprised. Wonder aloud, why that is so.

58- Sing everything in opera-style. Claim it enhances your intellect.

59- Put a large stuffed dog in his bedroom.

60- … Then set it on fire with your hooded brethren.

61- Follow him around with large signs reading, "Do Not Feed the Troll". Smack anyone with the sign if they attempt to give him food. Accuse them of being illiterate.

62- Have random bells ring very loudly at odd house; such as two in the morning. Make sure said bells are near his head.

63- Accuse him of having more than one personality. After accusing him, begin arguing with yourself and pull at your hair.

64- Force feed him old tangerines.

65- Straddle him, stick your face to his stomach and go, "Pppphhhhhtt!"

66- Walk him around the house on a leash. A bright, glittery leash that sparkles.

67- Randomly yell, "Sit!" at him and act as though you're trying to teach him something. Be persistent, don't give up.

68- Style his hair. Use lots of smelly gel.

69- Randomly do a front roll in front of him while holding your hands together in the shape of a gun. Claim you're a Secret Agent for the Auror Division and that you're looking for the great criminal mastermind "Sirius White".

70- Get a friend and speak gibberish. When he looks confused, say something, look back at him, and laugh.

* * *

**Mmkay my ponces, hope it was relatively ok and that you all don't hate me for taking forever. Remus is next so if you have any ideas on how to annoy him, submitt them!**

**xox Caramel**


	10. Ways to annoy Remus Lupin

**Don't forget to check out the companion peice to this story, 'Harlequin Girls' by Mocha-Java Boost! It's still starting out, but my wifey is writing it and it included various peices from this story :)**

**Dedication: This is to Camilla! She gave me all of 23 to 31! Woot to you, m'dear for being so freaking awesome like that and helping me out of my slump::hugs::**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Shame, and here I was thinking it was... Well, there's my hopes and dreams dashed.**

* * *

70 Ways to annoy Remus Lupin: 

1- At dinner, insinuate that his undying love for Hermione will prevail all evil. Do this with exaggerated limb movements and much flailing. Then calmly ask him to pass the peas.

2- Wink roguishly before glancing at Sirius, claim "Once you go Black, you can never go back."

3- Constantly ask him if the reason his nickname is 'Moony' is because he enjoys 'mooning' people. Wonder aloud if _that's_ the real reason he was arrested by the Muggle Police last week.

4- Steal all the chocolate in the house. Eat it in front of him. If he asks for some, give him the "nutritious" bars and tell him you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

5- Randomly decide to call him "Patrick".

6- Invite him to join the 'Werewolf Hunt'. With a sadistic smile, tell him he's to be the 'Guest of Honour'.

7- Try to cook his leg. Make it appear as though you're trying to do this without him noticing.

8- Constantly ask him, "Who wants to go potty? Does Remus need to go potty?" in a very condescending way, as though he were a dog.

9- In public, ask as to how his love affair with Sirius is going. Ask if you can be his Maid of Honour.

10- Wonder aloud what it'd be like to wax a werewolf – when he's around. Claim it sounds very endearing.

11- Howl at random moments. Insist you were only trying to initiate conversation!

12- Refer to him as "Reemypie" and "Wolfypoo". See if he'll answer.

13- Whenever he's getting ready to enter a room, announce it with (in a very grand voice): "Part Man, Part Wolf, Full Sex Beast!"

14- Ask him what kind of breed he is.

15- Buy him a doggie bowl for his birthday. **(A/N submitted by lumpyking – thanks Kai)**

16- Inform him that in Korea, they eat dogs. Wonder if it's any different for wolves.

17- Buy him a ticket for Korea. Tell him that if he doesn't come back, you all know what happened.

18- Invite him for a threesome including Snape and Sirius – tell him he's living every girl's dream!

19- Insinuate that he's female. Buy him female clothes, like, for instance, a black miniskirt complete with matching g-string.

20- When everything is quiet, look at Remus and say, "So Remus, I heard some _questionable_ sounds coming from your room last night, and noticed that both Hermione and Ron weren't in their beds. Care to explain?" **(A/N Submitted by my wife, Mocha-Java Boost. WOO Boosty WOO!)**

21- Loudly inform him that his last name rhymes with "poopin'". Constantly question him as to why that is so.

22- Get into an argument with him about whether Vampires or Werewolves are better, the go and interrupt him and tell him that his time is up and he loses. **(A/N Submitted by JusticeIsBlind13 – thank you! Tis awesome!)**

23- Ask him who he thinks has the highest kill-rate; Vampires or Werewolves?

24- Or who has the sharpest teeth.

25- Constantly excuse his behavior by saying that it's 'That time of the month'.

26- Then offer him aspirins, and tampons.

27- After that; push him into the girls' bathroom and tell him he has to share with Moaning Myrtle.

28- Ask him who he wants Tonks to morph into.

29- When he answers wink at him to let him know you know he's lying and that he'll tell you who later.

30- Ask him, out of the blue, if his fame after his part as the 'Big, bad wolf' in Little Red Riding Hood is hard to handle.

31- Invite him to a really amazing, fantastic, exciting party you planned … the night it's a full moon.

32- Wonder aloud if the real reason he's with Tonks is because she can morph into Sirius. Wink suggestively at the pair.

33- Ask him if he's trying to dominate the world. When he asks why you think so, tell him it's because he's smart and always studying. Inform him that knowledge is power, and power corrupts. Since he's always studying so hard, he must be really, really evil. Act indignant when he scoffs at your logic. **(Inspired by bookkbaby who has a shirt that reads that! I want that shirt… ::grumble::)**

34- Randomly shriek and run into the wall. Claim you were _trying_ to walk through it but the wall wasn't cooperating. Glare at said wall.

35- During his study time, see just how many giant marshmallows will fit into your mouth at one time. Challenge him to a championship.

36- Buy a whip. Whip him. Laugh… cruelly.

37- Attempt to sell him to the local pound.

38- Toilet paper his room for fun with heavy duty rolls. Claim it adds a nice touch.

39- Fill a small bag with sand and sprinkle it randomly around the room, encouraging him to 'think happy thoughts'. When he doesn't fly, get angry and smack him with your wand, informing him that he's 'doing it wrong'.

40- Wake him up to your very off-key version of the 'Annie' song, "Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I'll love ya, tomorrow! You're only a day awa-ay!"

41- Wear sandals and a robe and call him, "My Son." … All the time.

42- Stand on top of the roof of Grimmauld Place and say you won't come down until your demands are met. Threaten to jump.

43- Tell people you saw Remus pissing in that plant over in the corner. Smirk.

44- Take a towel, tie it around your shoulders and scream, "Wheee I'm batman!" while running around.

45- Ask small children if they've seen any suspicious-looking men around here. Hold up a flyer with his picture on it.

46- While shaking hands, get into a heated thumb wrestling match.

47- As you reach inside the pocket of your robes, pull out a sock puppet. Refer to him as 'Socko' and harass him with it.

48- Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a new suitable host body." Look at him expectantly.

49- Bet everyone that you can fit a quarter in your nose.

50- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

51- Give him a round of applause every time he passes you.

52- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up! Dammit, shut up, all of you shut up!"

53- If he brushes past you, flinch away and scream, "Bad touch!"

54- Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa and start telling everyone stories of your native island.

55- Listen to walls with a stethoscope.

56- Make farm noises at really quiet intervals.

57- Offer everyone nametags. Wear yours upside down; get upset if anyone comments about it.

58- Mummify him with Police Tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS).

59- Preach about the end of the world, emphasizing the fact that it'll be Werewolves who'll go first.

60- Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger…"

61- Walk in circles. Change direction when you hit someone.

62- Carry a cooler with the label, 'human head' around every where. Refuse to let anyone look inside and shriek when people come too close. Act all shifty.

63- Wear a ski mask and carry an axe. Stand a little too close to him and grin manically.

64- Throw a D-cup bra at him and sing, "Born Free" whilst running around, flailing your arms dramatically.

65- Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavour off. Do this in front of him. Offer him some.

66- Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.

67- Explain 'the little green men' to him and when he doesn't believe you, accuse him of being one in disguise.

68- Force him to remove his shoes every time he passes you to 'prevent contamination'.

69- Go to a gumball machine and insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Follow him around wearing the fake eyeballs and playing the theme song. Every time he begins to turn around, frantically take off the eyes and switch off the music. Claim, "He was here a minute ago!"

70- Look at your hand in amazement and say, "Woa, I never knew I had this!"

* * *

**I'm not sure how funny mine are, but I want to thank **_**everyone**_** who helped me out with this. You guys are awesome. I'm not sure who to annoy next, so if you guys have any suggestions on who to do then leave them in a review or PM (also, if you have ideas on how to annoy anyone).**

**Please note that the last chapter will be "70 Ways to Annoy the Lesser-Known Teachers" so please don't suggest people like Professor Trelawny, or Professor Flitwick… etc… I think I'll put Hagrid into that chapter too. ::shrugs:: I'm not sure, but if you have any preferences, let me know and I'll be happy to oblige!**

**Reviews are appreciated like candy. :)**

**xox Caramel**


	11. Ways to annoy Draco Malfoy

**Faster than last time! Some of these are more insulting than annoying.. but.. I can still add those in, right?**

* * *

70 Ways to annoy Draco Malfoy:

1- Constantly bombard him with blond jokes such as, "How do you drown a blond?" and before he can utter a retort, answer yourself with a, "Put a scratch 'n' sniff sticker at the bottom of a lake!" Grin maniacally and say, "_Hey_ Drac-y, I've got this _great_ sticker collection I've been meaning to show you… but it's such a nice day out, why don't we go swimming at the same time? I hear the lake's beautiful…"

2- Steal his boxers. Wear them over your clothes.

3- Inform him that whatever kind of look he was going for, he missed.

4- Tell him he doesn't have to be a Death Eater to be successful, he can (insert drum roll here) _staple his way to success_! Then hand him a stapler and a bunch of staples.

5- Dye his oh-so-blond hair neon green. Mock him; inform him he looks like the Loch-ness monster.

6- Loudly announce that he should never tell a woman she's unworthy of his love – for she would already know. Smirk knowingly.

7- Inform him that he is proof of reincarnation – you just can't get that dumb in one lifetime.

8- As he tries to show you how smart he really is, tell him you think he has a mind like Azkaban. Then, when he begins to get smug, add on, "not enough cells…"

9- Insist that his father married his mother to have great children, inform him just _how_ disappointed his father must have been when he came along.

10- Loudly point at his face and shriek. Once stopped, pat him on the back 'comfortingly' and say, "Now, I don't know much about cosmetic surgery, but a good rule of thumb is to stop when you look permanently frightened."

11- Glare at him and yell, "What, did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe, or something?" every time he insults someone.

12- Strike up a conversation with him, inform him that someone told you he was 'Slytherin Royalty'… ask him if he was the Princess.

13- Every time he calls Hermione a 'Mudblood' inform him that just because he has one, doesn't mean he has to act like one.

14- Laugh hysterically and say, pointing at him, "You have a great deal of pride for someone who has very little to be proud of."

15- Tell him that you think he has a nice personality… just not for a human being.

16- Hug him and say, "You are the answer to my prayers!" then let go of him and stroke your chin thoughtfully, "Unfortunately, I was praying to see if things could get any worse…"

17- With a notebook and a quill, turn to him and ask, interrogatively, "As an outsider, how do you view the human race?" Follow him around all day until he answers.

18- Smile enthusiastically and pat his head, "You're not yourself today, Draco! … I noticed the improvement immediately."

19- Inform him that people tend to take an instant dislike of him, grin thoughtfully and say "which isn't very nice, but at least it saves time."

20- Psychoanalyze him, conclude that, "Clearly your behavior is the result of a childhood trauma from the time your parents spanked you for landing on your head and breaking the concrete." Tell him that it would explain a lot…

21- Refuse to enter a battle of wits with him – you can't attack an unarmed person!

22- Stroke his cheek comfortingly and say, "Well, I don't think you're a moron, Draco! But then again, what's my opinion against hundreds of others?"

23- Randomly decide to ask, "What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement…"

24- Sigh (as though defeated) before announcing, "You're not as dumb as you look, Draco," then smirk and add on, "Then again, that would be impossible."

25- When he goes to speak to you, cover your ears and shriek, "La, La, La! Can't hear you!"

26- Look at his robes and murmur, "I like a man in uniform."

27- Every time he opens his mouth, scream, "Don't piss me off! I'm running out places to hide the bodies!"

28- Loudly announce, "Some people are alive simply because it's illegal to shoot them." Stare pointedly at him.

29- Smile benignly at him and say, "All men are idiots. You must be their king." Give him a sparkly crown.

30- Wink impishly at him and say, "Support Cannibalism – eat me!" just to see if he'll go away.

31- Proclaim that, 'if we are what we eat, he must cheap, fast and easy.'

32- Charm all his cloaks 'hunter orange' so he looks like a walking pumpkin.

33- Wear your pants backwards. Encourage him to do the same.

34- Steal a large quantity of Muggle orange traffic cones and use them to re-route the halls. Spell them so they can't be removed, or stepped over.

35- Repeat everything he says as a question.

36- Write, "X – BURIED TREASURE!" over all his essays, homework, and books.

37- In accordance with the above, charm a parrot to follow him around and call, "Drac-y want a cracker?"

38- Sing 'Jingle Bells, Batman Smells' until physically restrained.

39- Reply to everything he says with a "that's what _you_ think!"

40- At dinner, sculpt your mashed potatoes into anatomically suggestive shapes. Leer at him, winking occasionally.

41- Routinely handcuff him to suits of armor and steal his wand. Skip away, waving it wildly.

42- Make beeping noises every time he passes by.

43- Follow him around, and, at interval, spray him with very strong smelling cologne. Loudly inform him that he smells like a ferret. At the word ferret, wink suggestively and smirk.

44- Chase him all around Hogwarts screaming, "Bradley! Bradley! Come back, Bradley!" Insist he's Bradley, and wonder aloud where Rana is. **(Submitted by my wifey, and only us, really, would understand it. We've got this friend named Bradley, who looks a lot like Draco and Rana's his girlfriend… ::smirks::)**

45- Loudly inform him that you don't know what his problem is, but you bet it's hard to pronounce. Suggest schizophrenia.

46- Every time he opens his mouth to insult someone, (ie Hagrid, Hermione etc…), say, condescendingly, "Yes, thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view." Make sure to pat him softly on the head as you do so.

47- Smile winningly at him and say, "You know, Drac-y, I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid."

48- As he walks towards you, or passes you in the halls, shriek, "What am I?! Flypaper for freaks?!"

49- For Halloween, charm some fairy wings on him and put a glamour charm over his wand so it appears all sparkly and pink. Clap your hands enthusiastically and say, "Ah, yes. I see the f.ck-up fairy has visited us again." Nod wisely, smiling all the while.

50- Squeal loudly as he talks to you, "My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!" Pull out a large, unidentifiable fluff-ball named Sherman.

51- Glare at him and shout, "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. Go on, shoo!" Wave your hands dramatically in his direction.

52- Sniff disdainfully and say, "You're just jealous because the voices only talk to _me_." Do this often, such as, every time you see him.

53- Give pizza chants.

54- Look pointedly at his owl and say, "Spotted owl tastes just like chicken!" Offer to cook it with some fresh herbs from the greenhouses.

55- Sling an arm around his neck and whisper conspiratorially, "Friends don't let Friends fly on their brooms naked at midnight." Look pointedly at him before continuing, "So… I'm sorry I stole your broom last night – I couldn't very well use mine! Friends don't let Friends do that, remember…"

56- Refer to him as "Snake Boy". Call Crabbe and Goyle, "Gorilla Children". Raise your eyebrow, flail your limbs dramatically and proclaim, "What is this? Some sort of freak zoo? Go back to your jungles!"

57- Make vague insinuations of his love for Hermione. Claim how heart-breakingly _awful_ it must be to have to share her with Lupin. Do this loudly.

58- Cackle insanely every time you see him. Make sure to rub your hands as you do it too, to give you the impression of mental instability.

59- Be considerate; re-arrange his underwear drawer at will.

60- In reference to the above: While you're at it, make sure to add in some itching powder. He could use something to do while he sleeps in Potions.

61- Every time he throws a witty comment back at you, go, "Oh yea? Well, your mother does weird things with vegetables!"

62- Magic marker a French moustache on him as he sleeps. Be sure to add a little goatee and the words, "IMBECILE" in large writing on his forehead.

63- Shower him with confetti whenever the urge strikes you.

64- Buy him a fern to 'symbolize your eternal, undying love for each other'. Act indignant when it dies and tell him, loudly and dramatically, that no one could ever love him like you do except for his mother – and even _she_ doesn't love him that much!

65- Kick him in the shin and run.

66- Drop water balloons on his head; blame it on Peeves.

67- Great him each morning with a sarcastic, "Good morning, Oh Sex God of Hogwarts, and whom did we manage to shag last night?" Act all shocked when he gets angry, inform him that it's not _your_ fault Pansy's off doing Goyle.

68- Proclaim that one day, Neville will _own_ him, so he may as well suck up while he can.

69- Tell him that Crabbe has a crush on him and that he's been sneaking a 'peek' during group shower times. Blush and giggle profusely.

70- Inform everyone what he's _really_ been up to during Potion's class, and the truth behind Snape's favouritism. Insist it's your 'duty'.

* * *

**A/N Woo! Done! And faster than last time! … I think.**

**Reviewers will be given free pickles! Great incentives!**

**Please leave suggestions for who to annoy next! So far, I have Bellatrix Black (Although I think I'll do a miscellaneous and add her in that one), Hagrid (I've already said I'll put him in the last chapter) and Merope Gaunt (Voldemort's mum). Anyone else have any ideas?**

**Companion peice for this story is called, 'Harlequin Girls' by Mocha-Java Boost. It's really amusing! Well, if you like people-from-our-world-get-sent-to-Potterverse fics. If not, don't read. But, since I've seen the next chapter, I can safely say that it's amusing. :)**

**Love you all!**

**xox Caramel**


	12. Ways to annoy Miscellaneous HP Character

**Ok, my friend Boosty! (Mocha-Java Boost) is here from Saudi so she's like, written some of these too… any with (MJ) written at the end is hers! Also, I'm sad to admit that there's only two chapters left. This one, and another. Both are miscellaneous, this one random HP characters, and the other random Hogwarts teachers. Enjoy, minions, enjoy!**

**Another note: Hoot!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Hoot, hoot, hoot!**

**People I shall annoy in this chapter: **Bellatrix Black/Lestrange, Mad-Eye Moody, Neville Longbottom, Merope Gaunt, Lucius Malfoy and Luna Lovegood.

* * *

**Bellatrix Black: (For Chase-kun)**

1-Loudly inform her that she cannot live up to her name (Bella Beautiful). Tell her that her parents should have named her the Non-Bella. **(MJ)**

2- Hug her and say, "It's ok, someone had to be the ugly sister." **(MJ)**

3- Stalk her and shriek, "Sheep! Sheep!"

4- Follow her and sing, "Oh Bella Mia!" in different octaves. **(MJ)**

5- Wonder aloud how something like _that_ could have been related to Sex-God Sirius.

6- Buy her sexy lingerie. Insist it's from Wormtail. Suggest they be fuck-buddies.

7- As she opens her mouth to speak, smack her with your wand and loudly shriek, "Shut _up_, Bella! No one wants to hear you!"

8- Tell Narcissa that you caught Bella and Lucius in a closet about ten minutes ago and now you can hear some _questionable_ noises coming from there. **(MJ and C)**

9- At their wedding (Bella and Rodulphus Lestrange), get up on a table and sing, "Rodulphus the red nosed reindeer!" **(MJ)**

10- During Death Eater meetings wait for quiet intervals before loudly yelling, "Oi, Bella! How's that glue sniffing addiction goin' for ya?"

**Mad-Eye Moody (For Claire Franklin)**

1-Ask him if he's ever used his eye to see through women's clothes. Leer at him. **(MJ)**

2- Saw half-way through his wooden leg so it 'appears' normal, yet when he walks it snaps and he falls.

3- Transfigure him into a ferret, bounce him up and down and scream, "How do _you_ like it, biatch?!"

4- Every time you see him, tackle him to the ground and shriek, "Imposter!"

5- Steal his flask. Offer to trade it for his eye.

6- Randomly shriek, "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" when you think he least suspects it. Laugh and say, "Gotcha! Foiled by your own phrase!"

7- Suggest he get an eye patch whilst calmly staring at his eye.

8- Randomly decide he needs a hug. Enforce it.

9- Buy him a parrot. Insist he'd "make an awesome pirate".

10- Set his wooden leg on fire just to watch him run. **(MJ)**

**Neville Longbottom**

1-Start every conversation with, "Sooo… you and Ginny, huh?"

2- Inform him that the reason Draco taunts him so much is because he's secretly in love with him. Constantly remind him of this. **(MJ)**

3- Constantly ask him to pose nude for him.

4- Keep bringing it up.

5- Randomly pop out of the bushes and sing, "Push it, push it! To the limit, limit! …" Encourage him to join in on the dance moves.

6- As you walk with him in the halls, break into a random series of army rolls. Endeavor him to do the same.

7- Tell him he'll never amount to anything in life if he doesn't at least _try_. Do this on a daily basis.

8- Offer to prepare Trevor in a nice curry.

9- Every time you see him, grin and purr.

10- Encourage him to grow hallucinogenic mushrooms behind the greenhouses.

**Merope Gaunt (for Chase-kun)**

1-Invite her to join the club, "Mothers of evil warlords". Tell her you're always there if she just wants a 'nice chat'.

2- Mock her and say, "Oh, you had to use a love potion to make someone fall in love with you!" Never let her forget this. **(MJ)**

3- Psychoanalyze her… "And how does having an evil son make you _feel_?"

4- Say, "Now I know where Voldemort gets his… looks from." Grimace. **(MJ)**

5- Ask her if she didn't accidentally reproduce when a snake considering how Voldemort looks. **(MJ)**

6- Steal her love potions. Trade them for peanuts. **(MJ)**

7- Mock her parenting skills.

8- Tell the Ministry that she's giving some Muggle love potions. **(MJ)**

9- Sell her underwear to a museum for pre-Voldemort artifacts. **(Sorry, running out of ideas here… lol)**

10- Encourage her to join in on your rendition of "Mama Mia" by ABBA. **(MJ)**

**Moaning Myrtle**

1-Ask her where she got the 'Moaning' in her name from. Leer suggestively. **(MJ)**

2- Shout, "Haha, your name rhymes with 'turtle'!" **(MJ and C)**

3- Inform her that she's the most pathetic ghost you've ever seen. Consistently. **(MJ)**

4- Say, "I'd like to hug you but… I can't… seeing as you're… dead."

5- Ask her when the hell she's going to cross over. Scream, "Go into the light!" **(MJ)**

6- Sing her up for the ProActive facewash. **(MJ and C)**

7- Set her up on a blind date with Peeves. **(MJ and C)**

8- Exorcise her. Shriek, "The power of God compels you! The power of God compels you!" **(MJ)**

9- During breakfast, loudly scream, "Myrtle saw Harry's goods!" **(MJ)**

10- Sneak into the bathroom and make hissing noises. **(MJ)**

**Lucius Malfoy**

1-Call him luscious Lucius. **(MJ)**

2- Cut off his hair. **(MJ)**

3- Follow him around and describe your day in great detail.

4- Tell him he's Voldemort's bitch. **(MJ)**

5- Inform him of Draco's turn to prostitution… with Snape! **(MJ and C)**

6- Encourage him to bow down to you at regular intervals, say, "But you bow down to Voldie!"

7- Endeavor him to take up ballet.

8- Loudly tell him that his wife looks like a horse. **(MJ)**

9- In a public place, randomly drop to your knees and shriek, "Noo! Don't leave me Lucius! It's your baby!!"

10- When he's with Narcissa, say, "The test was positive, Lucius, we're having a baby!" **(MJ)**

**Luna Lovegood**

1-Eat her radish earrings. **(MJ)**

2- Constantly challenge her opinion of the strange creatures.

3- Tell everyone you caught her snogging a thestral. **(MJ)**

4- Burn all her Quibbler copies. **(MJ)**

5- Tell everyone Snape's her sister. **(MJ)**

6- Consistently give her canary creams.

7- Follow her around and hoot sadistically.

8- Randomly yell, in a public place, "Earth is full! Go home!"

9- Great her every morning with a dumb blonde joke. Stare pointedly at her.

10- Tell her Moaning Myrtle has a crush on her.

* * *

**Haha, Boosty has pretty much dominated this chapter. Woot! I like it. Don't forget to check out the companion piece, "Harlequin Girls" by Mocha-Java Boost! Tis awesome.**

**Love you all like my own candy administrators! One more chapter to go! … or so it seems :D**

**xox Caramel**


	13. Ways to annoy Random Hogwarts Teachers

**::cries:: The last chapter! It's finally over! I shall miss you all so much! I know, I know, how can I abandon you like this? Blasphemy! That's why I give you all muchos grande brownies… because I love you. :D**

**Dedication: This last chapter is dedicated to Mildetryth because she's seriously just awesome like that. You make me so happy lol when I get your reviews I go "Yay! It's Milly!" … so this is for you. ::hugs::**

**People I'll annoy this chapter:** Professors Sprout, Trelawny, Hagrid, Flitwick, Umbridge, Grubbly-plank, and Vector (sp?)

* * *

Chapter 13: Ways to Annoy Random Hogwarts Teachers

**Professor Sprout:**

1-Tell the world about her one-night stand with Professor Flitwick. Claim it's a midget fetish. **(Given to me by… a very awesome reviewer who I have admittedly forgotten their name. I think it was sent to me in a PM and I, being the imbecile that I am, hath deleted who it was by. And there were quite a few, so if there's an AR at the end of it, it's from her/him. I'm soo sorry! You know who you are!)**

2- Attempt to bribe her with left-over vegetables.

3- Kill all her plants. **(MJ)**

4- Inform her that you know exactly what she's been growing behind the greenhouses. Wink conspiratorially.

5- Encourage her to name her daughter 'Brussels', so she'll be "Brussels Sprout". Do this daily. Laugh hysterically.

6- Write her theme music. Play it every time she enters or leaves a room. Follow her around constantly.

7- Throw raves in the greenhouses. Refuse to move out. **(MJ and C)**

8- Smoke her plants. **(MJ)**

9- Remove her plants. Repot them in a different area. Insist that's where they've always been.

10- Shower her with rose petals every time she passes you. Shriek, "Be free! Be free!"

**Professor Trelawny**

1-Shout "Blasphemy!" and "She's a fake!" at random intervals that are at awkward times. **(AR)**

2- Steal her crystal balls, juggle with them.

3- Bring a magic eight ball to class. Insist it has the answers to life.

4- Charm the rims of her glasses into little heart-shapes. Claim it adds "class" to her ensemble.

5- Challenge her to the meaning of life.

6- Loudly inform her that God will smite her for her heathen ways. Spray her with holy water and shriek, "Back! Back, you she-devil, you! Back, back!" Brandish a stick and wave it around in her face.

7- Point out the similarities between her and a large, over-stuffed dragon fly.

8- Wonder aloud whether or not she is of this planet. Buy her a pair of spock ears. Insist she wear them. Get angry when she doesn't, and scream for your own personal amusement.

9- Break her china.

10- Tell her that she's full of crap and that she'll never amount to anything if she continues down this road.

**Hagrid**

1-Insult his mother in any way. **(AR)**

2- As you see him coming, scream, "Ahh, he's going to eat me!" and run in the opposite direction.

3- Generally be in fear of him. Shake constantly when in his presence.

4- Say you heard he liked dragons. Offer to prepare roast dragon for his birthday.

5- Randomly pop out of the bushes. Creep up to him "stealthily" and poke him, with great exaggeration, before running away.

6- Develop an unnatural fear of tall people. Scream whenever you see him and run away. **(MJ)**

7- Insinuate that Professor Grubbly-Plank was a better teacher.

8- Make vague insinuations of his affair with Dumbledore. Do this in public, and in very crowded areas. Claim that this is why he is fiercely loyal to him. **(MJ and C)**

9- Steal his umbrella. Replace it with a normal one and watch as he tries to do magic. Laugh and tell him that he may be losing his touch.

10- Call him a virgin. Ask if he's ever gotten laid. Demand details and names.

**Professor Flitwick**

1- Charm him to float around and stick to the ceiling at random intervals.

2- Steal his wand and put all his books on the highest shelves. **(MJ)**

3- Inform him that his hands are small before saying, "Ooh, you know what they say about small hands…" **(MJ)**

4- Refer to him as 'Flick'. Claim you've shortened his name to save time.

5- Buy him a very large hat. Tell him it makes him look taller. Grin maniacally and pat him.

6- Mock his high, squeaky voice and midget-like appearance. Say, "What are you? A freaking mouse?"

7- Make vague allusions towards his threesome with Professors Sprout and Madame Hooch.

8- Look pointed at him and say, "It isn't the size that matters… wait… no, no it is the size." Shrug and walk away.

9- Talk to him as though you were talking to a toddler, "Who's my little baby?" **(MJ)**

10- Use his shortness as an excuse for everything, "So Professor Sprout collected the homework; it's not his fault he's a midget!"

**Professor Umbridge**

1-Whisper, "The centaurs are coming!" in her ear. **(AR)**

2- Buy her a pony for her birthday. **(MJ)**

3- Steal her blood quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore." **(IDNO)**

4- Remark out loud on the similarities she has to a toad. Transfigure her desk into a giant lily pad.

5- Make little clicking noises as you pass her by in the halls. Laugh as she begins to have a breakdown.

6- Charm the suits of armor to follow her around and shout out "Yo Mama" jokes.

7- Insist that there's been a spy in her Inquisitorial Squad ever since it's creation, passing on information to "the other side". Claim to know who it is. See how much she'll pay you.

8- Every time you see her shriek, "Toad! Toad!"

9- Spray everything she touches with perfume. Insist you don't want anyone to catch her 'germs'.

10- Randomly splash bubotuber puss on her. Whistle innocently as she tries to find out who did it. Sadistically claim that you have no idea who'd want to see her in pain…

**Professor Grubbly-Plank**

1-Claim that Hagrid's a better teacher.

2- Mock her name: "Grubbly-Plank? What kind of name is that? Sounds like some sort of disease: 'get back or you'll get grubbly-plank!'"

3- Tell her she'll never be the man Hagrid was! **(MJ)**

4- Inform her that she only wishes she knew how to teach like Hagrid can. Insist she run off to join the circus.

5- Ask if you can call her Professor G. Do this daily and because, "Her name sounds socially unacceptable."

6- Get her to date Hagrid. Insist they'd have magical creature-inclined children.

7- Wonder why you can't ever do anything interesting in her class. Claim that at least Hagrid could keep you on your guard!

8- Speak in a high pitched voice and repeat everything she says. Smile sweetly.

9- Insist you got a bad bite off a flobber worm. Threaten legal action if she doesn't bring you cake this instant! Claim, "But cake'll make the pain go away!" Whine.

10- Inform her that she only wishes she was as cool as Hagrid is.

**Professor Vector (sp?)**

1-Make plenty of Hermione/Vector insinuations. **(Devouring Sarcasm Phantasm – woot, woot!)**

2- Say, "Arithmancy is _stupid_, I mean, who actually _cares_ about numbers in the WIZARDING WORLD?" **(again, another Devouring Sarcasm Phantasm one – great work, papoose! Funny!)**

3- Argue with him over every little equation. Claim that just because he's a professional doesn't automatically mean he's right. Argue even if you know you're wrong, simply because it wastes time.

4- Steal his chalk for the board. Refuse to give it back. Tell him that you'll give it back to him if he can guess the secret 'password'. Don't actually have a password.

5- Refer to him as 'Good Ol' Viccy from the 'Rithmancy Department'.

6- During random moments in class, stand up, calmly walk up to him and hug him. Refuse to answer to his objections/questions. In fact, remain completely silent.

7- Bring a stuffed bunny to class. Make him hop all around on your desk. Not-so-quietly hum as you make said bunny hop. Once you get bored, use your wand to make the bunny hop all over the classroom, including on Professor Vector's head. Never stop humming.

8- Show up to class in fairy wings with a giant feather boa and a Muggle fairy wand. Refuse to don the Hogwarts uniform.

9- Be a pirate for the day. Use pirate phrases like, "Drink up, me 'earties!", "Yo ho, yo ho!" and "Land ahoy!" Encourage Fawkes to sit on your shoulder as a replacement parrot.

10- Randomly sing, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" by Paul Simon during quiet moments in class.

* * *

… **Haha, Gotcha! You thought it was the end, didn't you? Mwuahahahaa! Not the end! For there is a…**

**::drum roll::**

**!!BONUS!!**

**Since I have over a hundred reviews for this, I've decided to give y'all a bonus round.**

**And you thought this was the end! I mock you!**

* * *

**Molly Weasley (For Blackbop with her awesome ideas)**

1-Constantly tell her that Sirius loves Harry more than he loves her. **(Blackbop's work::grins::)**

2- Keep saying that collecting Muggle stuff is high-status, and anyone hating it is geeks. **(Blackbop again, great work!)**

3- Give her a flying car for a birthday gift, Christmas gift, mother's day gift, etc… **(Haha, she'd get annoyed **_**really**_** fast, but Arthur'll be pleased. Blackbop again!)**

4- Convince all her children to take up "The Percy-way of life". **(Blackbop! Woot, woot!)**

5- Add Voldemort's name to her fabulous clock. **(Blackbop's! This one was **_**genius**_**! I think it's my favourite one yet )**

6- Give her thousands and thousands of Leprechaun galleons – the ones that disappear after a few hours. **(Ooh, burn! Great work Blackbop – for it was hers again, and the last of them. Great ideas, thanks for the input!)**

7- Refer to her children as 'Children of the Flame'. Dance around them. Chant.

8- Demand her to seek anger management classes. Claim that she's "scaring the children".

9- Mock her cooking skills. Inform her that you've seen blocks of cheese that have better culinary skills. Point and laugh.

10- Loudly tell her that she and Arthur must be part-bunny because they keep reproducing like rabbits. Make sexual innuendos. Wink and leer.

* * *

**Pansy Parkinson**

1-Loudly say, "Pansy? What is that, some kind of wimp? No wonder you're always hiding behind Draco!" Henceforth refer to her as 'Wimpy'.

2- Wonder aloud whether she was a 'flower child'. Ask her if she's ever been adopted.

3- Laugh and tell her that the real reason she's at a boarding school is because her parents don't love her enough. In fact, they really want to get rid of her.

4- Throw flowers in the air, sing, "Draco and Pansy, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage…" Run away when she begins to curse you.

5- Repeatedly ask her if she's pregnant, because it looks like she's 'showing'. Stare pointedly at Draco and raise your eyebrows.

6- Tell the whole school that she's jealous of Hermione's good looks. Snort disbelievingly.

7- Loudly inform her that she looks like a baboon's behind. Do this daily, and in random public places.

8- Grin and tell her that Draco's the perfect guy for her – he's too stupid and busy with the Dark Arts to notice that she's an ugly imbecile!

9- Follow her around and sing, "Confetti! Confetti! I love confetti! Woo!"

10- Shower her with said confetti during random, and highly unexpected, moments.

* * *

**And now… it's really over. I can't believe it! Excuse me while I go sob in the corner…**

**Wow… I have actually just finished a multi-chapter fic! I feel the power:D I hope some of you reading this will stick by me, and read some of the other work that I have posted/will be posting soon, especially now that this is over.**

**I want to inform you that there will be a '50 Ways' in the POTC section, written by me and Mocha-Java Boost (under her name, not mine) and a last reminder to read the companion piece to this story, "Harlequin Girls", which is the typed-up version of this!**

**I still can't believe this is over! I have half a mind to just tell you it's all a lie and to continue on as normal, but if I do that, then I can't post my new story (because I'll be too busy with this one).**

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, and little bitty thanks for those who've just read. Giant thanks to anyone who's reading this long-ass author's note - I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**Bye… for the last time! (Unless you're continuing on with me…)**

**xox Caramel**


End file.
